Saturday, June 16, 2012
Observations of Life: Pity or Praise Party?
Observations of Life: Pity or Praise Party?: Do you ever have a pity party? Yeah, me too. I have some really elaborate ones complete with ice cream, chocolate, tears... Some are just...
Pity or Praise Party?
Do you ever have a pity party? Yeah, me too. I have some really elaborate ones complete with ice cream, chocolate, tears... Some are just stolen moments in the car, sitting at work or going to bed at night.
My pity parties are usually associated with people pleasing, care-giver status. They happen when I feel especially unappreciated, overly criticized or in my opinion things are going horribly wrong. The parties include a lot of whining that goes a little like this:
"Why me? I don't deserve this. I'm giving up everything. I at least deserve some kindness and respect.'
During this last pity party I heard my Lord say: 'Why not you? You don't think you deserve your treatment? Do you think I deserved the treatment I've had through the ages? The treatment the Israelites gave me? The treatment given to me while I was in human form? The treatment you give me when you ignore my Word? Sure you have 14 copies of my Word, but if you don't pick it up, read it, study it - it does no good. What about the times you only talk to me when you need or want something? What about the things you blame for or question me about when things aren't going the way you think they should?"
"You are giving up everything? Hmmm... I gave up my throne in Heaven, I gave up my majesty, my glory to come into your world. Then I gave up my life. I gave up fellowship with my Father to take on your sins, to break the powers of hell. Do you think I might deserve some gratitude and respect?"
Let me tell you that puts quite a damper on a party. I was ashamed of myself. I was humbled. I don't deserve anything good. I deserve death and hell, but have been given mercy, forgiveness, unending love and eternal life.
Forgive me Father for my mistreatment of you. Please always remind me of all you have done and continue to do in my life. I praise you and thank you. Let others see you through me. Help me fewer pity parties and more PRAISE parties.
My pity parties are usually associated with people pleasing, care-giver status. They happen when I feel especially unappreciated, overly criticized or in my opinion things are going horribly wrong. The parties include a lot of whining that goes a little like this:
"Why me? I don't deserve this. I'm giving up everything. I at least deserve some kindness and respect.'
During this last pity party I heard my Lord say: 'Why not you? You don't think you deserve your treatment? Do you think I deserved the treatment I've had through the ages? The treatment the Israelites gave me? The treatment given to me while I was in human form? The treatment you give me when you ignore my Word? Sure you have 14 copies of my Word, but if you don't pick it up, read it, study it - it does no good. What about the times you only talk to me when you need or want something? What about the things you blame for or question me about when things aren't going the way you think they should?"
"You are giving up everything? Hmmm... I gave up my throne in Heaven, I gave up my majesty, my glory to come into your world. Then I gave up my life. I gave up fellowship with my Father to take on your sins, to break the powers of hell. Do you think I might deserve some gratitude and respect?"
Let me tell you that puts quite a damper on a party. I was ashamed of myself. I was humbled. I don't deserve anything good. I deserve death and hell, but have been given mercy, forgiveness, unending love and eternal life.
Forgive me Father for my mistreatment of you. Please always remind me of all you have done and continue to do in my life. I praise you and thank you. Let others see you through me. Help me fewer pity parties and more PRAISE parties.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Life and ...
It has been a day of mixed emotions. A 7-8 month old baby girl died from injuries sustained in a car wreck with her 45 y/o grandparents. The grandfather also died. The baby girl was named Kennedi and she was beautiful. She is the niece of a dance teacher we know. It was heartbreaking to hear of Kennedi's death. I can only begin to imagine the feelings I would have if something happened to Addison. We will never be able to fathom God's ways.
As I was dealing with these emotions, Tammy texted that she and Addison had been on one of our elevated roadways, when they had to stop suddenly due to the traffic shut down caused by a stalled car. She looked in her rearview mirror to see a large pick-up barrelling at them. There was no place to go - nothing to do....just watch and scream. Somehow the pick-up screeched to a sideways stop. Understandably, Tammy was an emotional mess. I told her that knowledge of Kennedi's passing had broken my heart - the knowledge of them being hurt or killed had stopped my heart.
My first thoughts started correctly - expressing gratitude that the Father had protected my loved ones. I then felt selfish and strange...thankfulness that a wreck hadn't happened to us along with the knowledge that a wreck had happened to someone else and two lives were lost. Who were we to be spared? Were we blessed and they weren't? Are we doing anything to impact His kingdom?
I haven't answered any of my questions. The emotions are completely jumbled...sorrow, gratitude, sympathy, challenged. Life will go on and all this will fade, before it does, please God let me learn the lesson(s) I need from these situations and use me so that others see You in my thoughts and actions.
As I was dealing with these emotions, Tammy texted that she and Addison had been on one of our elevated roadways, when they had to stop suddenly due to the traffic shut down caused by a stalled car. She looked in her rearview mirror to see a large pick-up barrelling at them. There was no place to go - nothing to do....just watch and scream. Somehow the pick-up screeched to a sideways stop. Understandably, Tammy was an emotional mess. I told her that knowledge of Kennedi's passing had broken my heart - the knowledge of them being hurt or killed had stopped my heart.
My first thoughts started correctly - expressing gratitude that the Father had protected my loved ones. I then felt selfish and strange...thankfulness that a wreck hadn't happened to us along with the knowledge that a wreck had happened to someone else and two lives were lost. Who were we to be spared? Were we blessed and they weren't? Are we doing anything to impact His kingdom?
I haven't answered any of my questions. The emotions are completely jumbled...sorrow, gratitude, sympathy, challenged. Life will go on and all this will fade, before it does, please God let me learn the lesson(s) I need from these situations and use me so that others see You in my thoughts and actions.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Wow, life rarely fails to be overwhelming in some sense...overwhelmingly busy or stressed or tired or wonderful! Like most humans, I tend to concentrate on the current circumstances to determine my defined "overwhelming" status.
Today is overwhelming from the standpoint of home life. I am so stressed - I would love to cry myself silly while eating a bag of Hershey Kisses. I know most of us wear many hats. My hats encompass daughter, friend, employee, co-worker, insurance underwriter, sister, aunt, surrogate mom for parts of my sister, surrogate mom for my niece when my sister can't be the mom and caregiver for both of them including 2 dogs, a cat and a rabbit. In the midst of these hats it is my desire to take care of everyone. I want everyone to be happy with life, happy with each other, happy with me. If I sense this isn't happening - I try to peacemake. Ask me how successful that is....
My most stressful hats are wrapped together in being sister/mom/caregiver. I have been in these roles, full-time, for 4 1/2 years now. I have an empathy for caregivers that I've never had before. Bless you if you are a caregiver. I wish I had a 3 step program, (heck I would be happy to give you a 20 step program - if it worked), to help us learn to relax...do what we can do and leave the rest to God.
Oops - may be that is the secret...it is a 1 step program - leave the rest to God. I do what I can do, then try to do more, be more, give more, worry about what I did, wonder what I should have done different or will do different next time or.... Except for when sleeping - I'm rarely still. If my body is still - my mind and heart are going 100 miles an hour.
Rest, be still, be quiet, let His peace flow over and through your Spirit.
Exodus 14:14
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Psalm 37:7
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him
Psalm 46:10
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God
Exodus 33:14
The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
Psalm 91:1
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Today is overwhelming from the standpoint of home life. I am so stressed - I would love to cry myself silly while eating a bag of Hershey Kisses. I know most of us wear many hats. My hats encompass daughter, friend, employee, co-worker, insurance underwriter, sister, aunt, surrogate mom for parts of my sister, surrogate mom for my niece when my sister can't be the mom and caregiver for both of them including 2 dogs, a cat and a rabbit. In the midst of these hats it is my desire to take care of everyone. I want everyone to be happy with life, happy with each other, happy with me. If I sense this isn't happening - I try to peacemake. Ask me how successful that is....
My most stressful hats are wrapped together in being sister/mom/caregiver. I have been in these roles, full-time, for 4 1/2 years now. I have an empathy for caregivers that I've never had before. Bless you if you are a caregiver. I wish I had a 3 step program, (heck I would be happy to give you a 20 step program - if it worked), to help us learn to relax...do what we can do and leave the rest to God.
Oops - may be that is the secret...it is a 1 step program - leave the rest to God. I do what I can do, then try to do more, be more, give more, worry about what I did, wonder what I should have done different or will do different next time or.... Except for when sleeping - I'm rarely still. If my body is still - my mind and heart are going 100 miles an hour.
Rest, be still, be quiet, let His peace flow over and through your Spirit.
Exodus 14:14
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Psalm 37:7
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him
Psalm 46:10
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God
Exodus 33:14
The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
Psalm 91:1
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Foster. Adoption, Ministry, Legacy
Yes the above words are inter-related - at least they are for me at this current time. First the convuluted background story. A few months ago my cousin, Tim, died a tthe age of 49. He died 5 weeks after his diagnosis of mucosa melanoma. At the time, his 23 yr old daughter was in jail for accessory after the fact to a murder. She is the mother of 4 children. The oldest was already in the custody of a great aunt. The 3 younger ones were being kept by an aunt and/or grandmother. The 23 yr old gets out of jail and proceeds to tell the children that she had more fun in jail than she does being their mother - so she disappears.
We have since found out that DHS has removed the 3 children (ages 1,3 and 4) because of neglect and abuse. The children are in 3 separate foster homes. There doesn't appear to be anyone to take them together.
Enter stage right - the Mouser sisters. The story has touched our hearts. These are children in need and they are extended family. So...we are praying for and about these children. What does God want for these precious lives? Are we supposed to play a role in their lives? What kind of role? How do we handle it from a space standpoint? Financially? Emotionally? Physically?
What is important in life? How do minister to others? Is this to be our ministry? How do we leave a legacy? What kind of legacy do we leave? I recently read an article about a young Muslim man who was reached for Christ because he saw a joy and peace in the Christian's eyes. He said, "It was the true and genuine love and acceptance for me that I saw in the eyes of those first Christians I met. That broke me!" I think this would be an amazing legacy. Is it to start with these children? I don't have that answer. I just know we are trying to pray openly for God's guidance and that we all would receive the same overwhelming answer - whatever it may be..
We have since found out that DHS has removed the 3 children (ages 1,3 and 4) because of neglect and abuse. The children are in 3 separate foster homes. There doesn't appear to be anyone to take them together.
Enter stage right - the Mouser sisters. The story has touched our hearts. These are children in need and they are extended family. So...we are praying for and about these children. What does God want for these precious lives? Are we supposed to play a role in their lives? What kind of role? How do we handle it from a space standpoint? Financially? Emotionally? Physically?
What is important in life? How do minister to others? Is this to be our ministry? How do we leave a legacy? What kind of legacy do we leave? I recently read an article about a young Muslim man who was reached for Christ because he saw a joy and peace in the Christian's eyes. He said, "It was the true and genuine love and acceptance for me that I saw in the eyes of those first Christians I met. That broke me!" I think this would be an amazing legacy. Is it to start with these children? I don't have that answer. I just know we are trying to pray openly for God's guidance and that we all would receive the same overwhelming answer - whatever it may be..
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Wonderings
This could probably be a "Seinfeld" post....One about nothing and everything. As you can see - I am not an avid blogger. I think I would like to be, but life and laziness get in the way. I used to be good at keeping a journal. Now I am good about carrying mine everywhere I go and rarely writing it.
It has been an interesting week. Last Sunday, Tammy noticed a young woman walking down the road with a gas can. In all of our busyness, it is rare that we notice others with a need. Sometimes when we notice we are afraid to stop, because the world is a scary place. Tammy noticed and we stopped to help. Helping feels SO good.
Later in the week, I was driving through Chick-Fil-A and noticed a young man sitting outside the door. His knees wer hugged up to his chest and he was rocking back and forth. Car after car drove by - along with me. Something told me to go back around. After buying him a chicken biscuit and bottle of water - I drove on my merry way. Well - not so merry - I was profoundly touched. I hoped and pryed that the interaction met a need - physical through the food and drink or emotional/spiritual by knowing someon cared.
This isn't about me/us or how good we may have been on these couple of occasions. It is about mourning all those opportunities that are probably missed because I am too busy, too preoccupied, too selfish....to stop or to listen. It is about wanting to be more observant, more obedient, more willing to to help provide for physical needs - to say a kind word - to let someone know that they matter.... It is about trying to be the hands and feet of Jesus. How scary that I could be the only "Jesus" someone encounters today.
Matthew West has a song out - My Own Little World...God please help me not to live in just my own little world....
In my own little world it hardly ever rains; I’ve never gone hungry, always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet
In my own little world...Population me
I try to stay awake during Sunday morning church; I throw a twenty in the plate, but I never give ’til it hurts
I turn off the news when I don’t like what I see, Yeah,it’s easy to do when it’s
Population: me
Stopped at a red light, looked out my window, I saw a cardboard sign, said “Help this homeless widow”
Above that sign was the face of a human - I thought to myself, “God, what have I been doing?”
So I rolled down the window and I looked her in the eye
Oh how many times have I just passed her by?
So I gave her some money then I drove on through
And my own little world reached Population two
Father break my heart for what breaks Yours - Give me open hands and open doors
Put Your Light in my eyes and let me see that my own little world is not about me
What if there’s a bigger picture? What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose that I could be living right now
I dont want to miss what matters - I wanna be reaching out
Show me the greater purpose - So i can start livin right now
Outside my own little world
It has been an interesting week. Last Sunday, Tammy noticed a young woman walking down the road with a gas can. In all of our busyness, it is rare that we notice others with a need. Sometimes when we notice we are afraid to stop, because the world is a scary place. Tammy noticed and we stopped to help. Helping feels SO good.
Later in the week, I was driving through Chick-Fil-A and noticed a young man sitting outside the door. His knees wer hugged up to his chest and he was rocking back and forth. Car after car drove by - along with me. Something told me to go back around. After buying him a chicken biscuit and bottle of water - I drove on my merry way. Well - not so merry - I was profoundly touched. I hoped and pryed that the interaction met a need - physical through the food and drink or emotional/spiritual by knowing someon cared.
This isn't about me/us or how good we may have been on these couple of occasions. It is about mourning all those opportunities that are probably missed because I am too busy, too preoccupied, too selfish....to stop or to listen. It is about wanting to be more observant, more obedient, more willing to to help provide for physical needs - to say a kind word - to let someone know that they matter.... It is about trying to be the hands and feet of Jesus. How scary that I could be the only "Jesus" someone encounters today.
Matthew West has a song out - My Own Little World...God please help me not to live in just my own little world....
In my own little world it hardly ever rains; I’ve never gone hungry, always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet
In my own little world...Population me
I try to stay awake during Sunday morning church; I throw a twenty in the plate, but I never give ’til it hurts
I turn off the news when I don’t like what I see, Yeah,it’s easy to do when it’s
Population: me
Stopped at a red light, looked out my window, I saw a cardboard sign, said “Help this homeless widow”
Above that sign was the face of a human - I thought to myself, “God, what have I been doing?”
So I rolled down the window and I looked her in the eye
Oh how many times have I just passed her by?
So I gave her some money then I drove on through
And my own little world reached Population two
Father break my heart for what breaks Yours - Give me open hands and open doors
Put Your Light in my eyes and let me see that my own little world is not about me
What if there’s a bigger picture? What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose that I could be living right now
I dont want to miss what matters - I wanna be reaching out
Show me the greater purpose - So i can start livin right now
Outside my own little world
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Tired
OK, I know it is Thanksgiving and I should be thankful. And I really am. I have good parents who have always loved me and sacrificed for me. I have a sister who has some insights that amaze me and very good at listening for the voice of God. I have an awesomely sweet and beautiful niece. I am richly blessed with incredible friends. I have a very good job. I have a roof over my head...well at least until the end of the month.
We have been looking for a house for a month and haven't found the "right" one...haven't found the one that we feel God has for us. We are in the midst of sorting and packing which is hard and depressing work.
So with that said - I'm wearing my feelings on my sleeve. So I'm tired. Tired of worrying, tired of looking, tired of being anxious, tired of stress, tired of criticism (or what I perceive to be critisicm), tired of trying to please most people most of the time. It then comes back to I'm tired of not trusting God, of not being patient with His timing, of not listening to His voice, of questioning His ways. Which brings me back to being thankful - thankful for His patience with me, thankful thankful that He loves me anway...
We have been looking for a house for a month and haven't found the "right" one...haven't found the one that we feel God has for us. We are in the midst of sorting and packing which is hard and depressing work.
So with that said - I'm wearing my feelings on my sleeve. So I'm tired. Tired of worrying, tired of looking, tired of being anxious, tired of stress, tired of criticism (or what I perceive to be critisicm), tired of trying to please most people most of the time. It then comes back to I'm tired of not trusting God, of not being patient with His timing, of not listening to His voice, of questioning His ways. Which brings me back to being thankful - thankful for His patience with me, thankful thankful that He loves me anway...
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